Matthew's Journey: The Funeral

Wow, it has been a long time since I've posted. Almost 6 years...it's hard though. Yes, it's getting easier as time passes, but it's not easy by any means. There are so many things that remind us of him, there are things I want to tell him, I want him to hike with me, I wonder what he'd look like or what he would have gone to college for. Losing a brother or son isn't something you ever heal from, you just learn ways to deal with it. I haven't wanted to come back to this blog and have to write about the funeral and things that have happened after he left, but it's time now.

Matthew's viewing was on Thursday May 23rd, and his funeral was the next day, Friday the 24th. So many people showed up to the viewing to show their love and support. Friends and neighbors (some I haven't seen in years) came, and a lot of family flew down to be there. We held both the viewing and the funeral in the church by my parent's home. In the hall right outside of the viewing room, we had a TV on loop showing a slideshow of his life with lots of pictures and his favorite music. Inside the room we had tables set up with his favorite things, things that represented him, and things people had given him since his diagnosis.

Under the table the book for funeral guests to sign we had a box full of Books of Mormon, and by the end of the funeral it was empty. It was our way of sharing what Matthew believed in his entire life. It was as if we were able to share his testimony of the gospel he loved to the people who loved and supported him even after death. President Monson's wife passed away the day before Matthew did, so we set out a book for guests to sign for her as well. After the funeral was over, the book was sent to the president of our church.

When I got to the church on the morning of the funeral, people were already starting to show up and fill the chapel. We had a small family prayer in the room the viewing was held in, which was said by my mom's brother, David. Anyone who really knows Matthew knows how much he loved his weapons. He had them stashed all throughout his room, and swore that he'd be ready for a zombie apocalypse. Inside his casket, I stashed some Chinese throwing stars and bullets, so he'd still be prepared for anything. We then closed and locked the casket.

We walked into the chapel afterwards to sit in the front row, and it was overwhelming how many people were there. There were more than 700 people in attendance. I have never seen that chapel so full. It was very reverent as we walked to our seats. A few minutes after the ceremony had started, Jarrett was led to the front to sit with us by the funeral director, who is also the brother of our bishop. He was amazing throughout the whole process. It was funny watching Jarrett come up, and he really helped lighten the mood. He was adorable during the funeral because he laughed and cried at all the right moments. He understood everything.

The president of our stake spoke first, and then my brother spoke. He was still on his mission, so he had prerecorded his talk and mailed it down. We hadn't seen it before the funeral, and watching it was great. It had just the right amount of humor and reverence. Chad spoke about T's life, and the funny things they did together. My mom learned about some mischief they did when she was asleep, and we all got to remember Matthew for the goof ball he was.

One of my favorite things to do with him was to stay up late and watch Law and Order SVU, CSI, Indiana Jones, or whatever we were in the mood for. On school nights he would sneak out after my mom went to bed to watch shows with me or play games. If my mom would come out for whatever reason, he would hide behind whatever he could to avoid getting caught. Sometimes he hid under my feet between the couch and the ottoman, sometimes he tried hiding behind a large vase or the entertainment center. It was so funny. When he did get caught, he knew just how to schmooze her to stay out of trouble. It didn't take long for her to catch on to his nocturnal habits, so she started doing nightly sweeps to make sure he was getting enough sleep for school. My dad spoke after Chad, and closed the funeral on a very humble and emotional note. I think his talk was really great, and everyone was in tears by the end of it.

Soon after T was diagnosed, I made armbands that said, "Fight for Matthew" on them. We handed out hundreds for people to wear, and we wore them throughout his entire fight. I didn't think it was fitting anymore to wear bands that said to fight for Matthew because his fight was over, so I made different ones that said, "Live for Matthew". The meaning behind that was to wear the band as a reminder that we need to live our lives the best that we can like Matthew did so that we can be with him again in the next life. It's a daily reminder to be our best selves. I made these ones gray with green writing so they would match with everything, instead of the green bands that I made the previous ones to be. We ordered several hundred more and passed them out after the funeral. My dad explained the meaning in his closing remarks, and invited everyone to take one.

From the church we were escorted to the cemetery on Country Club and Brown. At the cemetery the grave was blessed, and all of the pall bearers tied their boutonnieres to the handles on the casket. It was a beautiful way to end the ceremonies. Family went back to the church for a lunch that was provided by the Relief Society of our ward, and then it was over. Below is a poem I wrote to include in the funeral program. My mom asked me to find a poem online to put in the program, but I couldn't find one that worked the way I wanted it to. I wrote this poem a night or two before we printed the programs, and I feel like it was perfect because it was personalized for him.

Live For Matthew

There is a plan for all of us,

It’s existed from the start.

Created for all to have life eternal,

Given to those of righteous heart.

Matthew’s time on earth was short,

His life was full of pain.

But cancer did not win the fight,

T’s the only one to gain.

Heaven called him up too soon,

But not before his test.

He was tried with pain and anguish,